Preface
Hello everybody, and thank you for accepting my invitation to join me in my tea time. Before I get into sampling, I would like to say that I had written this piece for one of my classes I had this past semester, and so far, I think it came out nice and polished. I would like to thank my classmates and my professor in my non-fiction class for helping me improve my writing and as well as giving me praise as a way for me to say motivated.
Overall, the main idea behind this story is to share with you some interesting gossip-like stories that I find interesting and (hopefully) juicy. These are the kind of stories that are intended to be withheld until there is no longer any risks of me getting punished or reprimanded over these things.
Lastly, I’ll let you off with a bit of a trigger warning, as the first tea alludes to gun violence. Without further ado, please come on in.
Sups? What’s poppin’ fam?
Well, I’m doing well, thanks for asking. I’m glad you’re able to hang out with me this evening. Please, have a seat on my comfortable sofa. Feel free to use the reclining feature on your right side of the chair. There’s a Firestick on your right. I have Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, and Paramount+. Put on Squid Game if you want; it’s such an intense show.
So yeah, I was in the middle of brewing various teas , especially for a fact that the cold front is here. What do you prefer? Lavender? Camomille? Jasmine?
Spiked?
Nah, I’m just messing with you. We are going to have a civil, intellectual conversation this evening. After all, tea should be a universal symbol of culture and sophistication — at least that’s what Lu Yu wrote in his Classic of Tea during the Chinese Tang Dynasty. But anyway, the reason why I invited you here to my cozy, warm apartment is to share with you some interesting tea that I’ve sampled. If anything, I have so much to tell you, but I’m afraid that I have only brewed three teas for tonight. We’ll start with a cup of green tea.
Blend One: Green Tea
Mmm, did I ever tell you that the beverage has these beneficial properties? The caffeine in this beverage stimulates the nervous system; the fluoride strengthens the tooth enamel, and the amino acids boost our focus on mental tasks. Now that I mentioned amino acids, I recall learning about them in this biology class from my freshman year of high school. You know how biology is a subject that most high schools in Texas assign to freshmen? I will probably never get the idea of how they arrange any of the core subjects in Texas. If anything, the legislation back in Austin probably don’t even remember what was taught in biology — especially when it comes to reproductive systems and women’s bodies based on their recent stupid-ass legislation.
But anyways, I recall working on this biology assessment in-class. I don’t remember the topic we covered, but it was some sort of STAAR-styled* questions.
* The State of Texas Assessment for Academic Readiness is a state-standardized test administered to Texas students from Grade 3 to all the way to high school.
I came across this one question, and there was a small discrepancy in my mind when it came down to two answer choices. Both of these choices sounded very plausible to me. So like an average juvenile high school freshman, my raised hand hailed the teacher’s attention.
“So I see that these two answer choices are very similar to each other and they sound the best, but how do I know which one to pick?”
“If someone had a gun pointed to your head, which answer choice would you select?” the teacher responded to my question.
“B.”
“There you go. I apologize for the explicit analogy,” the teacher walked towards her desk.
I surely wasn’t expecting that. And you must think that I was traumatized by that “explicit analogy.” However, I wasn’t triggered or anything. As a matter of fact, I was mostly thrown off at how bizarre the nature of that piece of advice was at the time. I mean, was that supposed to help me learn and grow as a student?
Sure, this was two years before the main incident went down in Florida on that tragic Valentine’s Day.** However, this would be inexcusable to use that analogy to someone, as some others may get triggered.
** The event I’m referring to was the incident that happened at Stoneman Douglas High School on February 14, 2018. Seventeen people died in that tragic shooting. The reasoning behind including this reference is to not be a blind eye to a pressing, ongoing issue, as it had an impact on my high school career and in modern US History.
How I interpreted that scenario was that I saw myself being captured by some high-end criminals holding me for ransom. That makes sense, as my family happens to possess some valuable assets: a nice Cadillac, a breadwinning medical clinic, and a Mexican restaurant pending to open. Of course, I watched a lot of Hawaii Five-0 back when it was on Netflix — their action scenes were what entertained me. I mean, I would remain calm and figure out a way to disable some generic criminal before Steve and Danno arrive on the scene. It’s not like I’m letting some evil bastard get away with harming me.
But of course, that’s only Hollywood.
Pretty crazy stuff right there. Do you also know what else is crazy? The fact that there existed this group of people that disliked tea back in its heyday of the 1200s.
Okay. I understand that some prefer coffee over tea, and that’s understandable. But this particular group preferred to consume some sort of alcoholic donkey milk over a soft, refreshing herbal brew. Who else other than—wait for it… The Mongols.
Huh? I thought we were gonna cut to a video clip from Andre DeToth’s 1961 film***— meh, never mind.
*** For those who doesn’t get the reference, it is referring to a running gag found in John Green’s World History Crash Course videos. Remember that this is a “Personal HistorTEA” that I’m making.
Oh. You think that this tea was a bit hard to swallow? As hard as some white and gooey donkey milk? Sorry about that. I’m guessing this edgy and dark story isn’t your cup of—well, you know. That’s okay. My job is to make you feel comfortable and warm in my place.
So yeah, I’m wondering, have you ever gotten to a point in the semester, or school year in general, where you just don’t give a shit anymore? Well, there was a time when my senioritis decided to tell me to stay home for a bit longer and eat breakfast a little after 7:45.
Here, please try my Breakfast Blend.
Blend Two: Breakfast Blend
The Breakfast Blend comes in many different origins, but the one I have right here is the English version. This one seems to be a commonly chosen flavor for their tea, as the British seem to enjoy their tea times often — we will get why later on. But anyways, did you know that this blend prevents cardiovascular-related illnesses? The amount of antioxidants not only contribute to the flavor, but it also prevents plaque from forming in the artery walls. I guess you won’t get a heart attack from all the stress coming out of coursework at school, amirite? I might have never tried the Breakfast Blend in my high school years to reduce the risks of heart disease—not that I needed it— but at least there was something that I looked forward to during my last mornings as a high schooler.
I had Cross Country, as a class, first thing in the morning. Since my Senior year Track season was over, I stopped showing up to first period. And that was totally fine by coach; he counted us present even if we weren’t really present. Despite this lovely senior benefit, I couldn’t afford to show up to the main office and receive one of those ugly-ass HERO**** passes the school gave to students that showed up late ‘cause:
- Those sticker passes are ugly and I would not like to wear that shit on my shirt.
- They would override my PRESENT attendance status to TARDY over some minutes over 7:45. Which I find that quite unnecessary.
- They would catch wind of the coach’s attendance practices.
****I don’t remember what HERO stands for (not that I cared to remember or anything), but it was a name for a tardy pass that my high school decided on. HERO pass? More like VILLAIN pass…
It was a fine May morning when I had homemade breakfast flour tacos made by my mother’s love and care and not by the industrialized and subpar standards of school food mandated by the state. I finally parked my Cadillac at the student parking lot. I walked across the school to get to the field house.
I approached the gates of the field house where I encountered the music director and his younger assistant arriving and entering the school through the field house. Of course, they had the key to get into the school and unlocked the gate; they let me in.
As I was entering, the assistant music director greeted me with,
“Hello.”
“Hi.”
“Do you have an ID?”
Of course, he would ask for my student ID. In a gullible and gaily fashion, I replied to him,
“Yes. I have an ID!”
I pulled out my student ID from the glasses compartment of my backpack and showed it to him with a smile, as if I’m still complying joyfully.
He looked at a cringy-ass photo of me with long round hair, glasses, and a stupid smile.
“Where did you come from? Where are you supposed to be?”
“From home. I was eating breakfast.”
It was then that the assistant director gave me a confrontational smile and pointed me in the direction outside,
“Go to the front office.”
“Okay!” I nodded my head.
“Yeah, go get a pass from the front,” the music director chimed in.
Without any resistance, I happily “complied.”
I slugged towards the front office. I turned my head towards the gate and saw the music director and his assistant vanish into the hallways. The 8:35 bell ring prompted a sudden emergence of students surging in many directions. I turned back towards the gate and made my entrance as a student let me in.
“HERO pass my ass!” I proceeded steadfast to my calculus class at last.
So what do you think of the Breakfast Blend?
I know, right? It has a hint of savagery in it. As if I was going to listen to those jackasses that had that type of privilege.
Honestly, I felt as much of a savage as that one time when the Sons of Liberty had spilled tea all over the Boston Harbor while they dressed up as indigenous people of the 18th century. While I don’t approve of the idea that these white men appropriated their culture, as well as feed into the racial stereotype of the Natives, they showed the bigger man who’s boss and that they weren’t going to take shit from them.
Anyways, I have this one cup of tea that I want to share with you. Specifically, it is a type of tea that you would normally find in fast food places like Whataburger. In other words, this particular tea does not come from my high school years, but rather at this particular job that I once had.
Now this iced sweet tea reminds me of a time that some big-time customer was looking down on a fast-food worker like me. This is another instance of my savagery showing up in my own character, as savage as dumping tea on a port in protest of George III.
Blend Three: (Un)sweet Tea
It was an average day at this chicken place that I used to work at—well, it was one of those weekend shifts that filled the store with a river of customers continuously flowing through the doors.
Ringringringring
The business phones were ringing constantly as if a baby was needing constant attention. The fryers constantly bubbled and heated the chicken. The cooks mixed and matched all the various seasonings and flavors for each piece of the fried chicken. The cashiers busted their asses trying to slow the surge of incoming customers while tending to the “crying baby” in the store.
All the registers were already assigned by the cashiers that arrived before I did, so I wasn’t able to conduct transactions with anybody. If anything, I was only able to help pass out the chicken and assist Doordashers with their orders.
About an hour into my shift, a guy came into the store. He had on a polo company shirt and a pair of grey khakis, who seemed to be in the mood for crispy chicken. All the other cashiers were busy tending the guests, either in-person or through the phone.
“Ugh. Can’t you help me out?” the recently clocked-out sales representative saw me in the middle of the dining area. I tried my best to explain to him why I couldn’t help him out.
“Um. I would try to help you out and everything, but it’s just that I don’t have a register assigned to me,” of course, most people don’t understand that cashiers needed to be assigned a register for the purpose of till-balancing.
“Well, what are you doing here then?!” he scolded as if he was rushing to get to somewhere. He pulled out his phone to open up an app.
Hmm. I hope he’s doing Doordash on the side. That’s pretty much the only thing I can do.
Of course, anybody could be a Doordasher; most people do this on the side in addition to their main jobs, including myself if I had the time. Trying my best to make myself useful, I hollered out,
“Doordash order?”
“No. Does it look like I’m fucking Doordash? Are you going to help me, or not?”
A sense of brutality and hurt seeped within me; it was a stinging sensation that flowed through my veins and into my mind as if I was going to get fired over someone’s dissatisfaction. It was a vibe-killer ruminating in the back of my mind dissuading me from continuing my job. I knew that I was being attacked by some arrogant and ignorant person who doesn’t understand how I was unable to help with transactions at the time. It was then that my co-worker, Jasmine, called out for the next guest.
“A pickup order for Darren,” he said in such a chill, yet annoyed, demeanor.
As Jasmine looked up the order in the POS system, I looked for Darren’s bag of fried chicken in his servitude. I grabbed the bag and handed it to him as he paid for his food. I figured that this dude was boasty and harsh towards anybody who was under him; I didn’t want to serve him. But, then again, I was simply doing my job as if it was any other customer.
As soon as Darren left with his food, and whenever Jasmine was done tending another person, I finally brought up the situation.
“Oof. That guy though. What a dick,” I gossiped.
“I know, right,” Jasmine replied, “I thought he was going to give me attitude. I was getting ready to deal with that.”
“I know, right? Jesus, what an asshole.”
So yeah, I have had a few infamous customers whose attitudes don’t meet our attitude standards. Yet, there was this other time when I was making a drink for an actual Dasher, and there was this guy who was in front of me waiting in line to use the Coke Freestyle machine. I was there to wait in line, as I watched the customer in front of me waiting for his friend to finish. Then he asked me something like, “can I help you?” as if he was posing as a worker. I then explained to him that I was simply waiting to make the drinks for a Doordash order. As soon as it was his turn, he then snarkily told me to “can you stop looking at me?”
Well, geez I’m sorry that I was merely waiting in line just to do my job. There’s no need to be a dick about it. Like, you shouldn’t be talking to your servers like shit, especially if we’re making drinks for someone else. Next time, leave your attitude out the door. We sometimes even make sacrifices to serve you—
Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on to go on a random rant. I guess I got ahead of the BS involved in this gig.
But yeah, it was quite an interesting experience. Say, how are you liking the sweet tea so far?
Not too sweet and the right amount of juicy? I like the sound of that. Anyways, speaking of work and tea, did you know that it was mainly a choice of beverage during the Industrial Revolution in Great Britain? Come to think of it, drinking tea was a form of escapism for laborers at the time. It was regarded as a beverage that kept workers focused on manufacturing products, such as fabric while using power mills and spinning jennies. Oh yeah, and because of its herbal properties, tea allowed cases of dysentery to drop— thus making tea popular in Great Britain. No wonder why we make the “tea time” connection to the British.
Well sure, I sometimes choose to drink sweet tea during my shifts; it’s great and all, but I have never thought that it was intended to keep my mind sharp, so maybe I should start consuming it more often.
Well, that’s all the tea that I can offer for this week. As I’ve said, I only brewed three teas for tonight.
What do you mean “what about that fresh juicy batch over there?”
Oh! So you notice that fresher batch of tea? Specifically the kind that involves my now-former job and the recent days? Well, not gonna lie, it is a really great juicy batch and all. But, I’m afraid that isn’t ready to be brewed for now—if you know what I mean. But anyways, tell me, brewed up anything exciting lately?
Works Cited
Cherney, Kristeen, and Kelly Kennedy. “10 Things Green Tea May Do for Your Body.” EverydayHealth.Com, Everyday Health, Inc., 8 Oct. 2018, www.everydayhealth.com/diet-and-nutrition-pictures/life-sustaining-reasons-to-drink-green-tea.aspx.
Connor, Liz. “5 Reasons Why Drinking Breakfast Tea Is Scientifically Good for You.” Evening Standard, 24 Mar. 2016, www.standard.co.uk/reveller/foodanddrink/5-reasons-why-drinking-breakfast-tea-is-scientifically-good-for-you-a3210006.html.
Standage, Tom. A History of the World in 6 Glasses. Bloomsbury, 2006.
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